Make It Look Hard. You’re Doing a Lot—and You’re Good At… by Annaliese Griffin Jun, 2021 Forge⁠↗

I was acting the part of what I call Quintessential Host, someone who seems to have anticipated every guest’s need and desire—and this is key—without breaking a sweat or having to try too hard. The role is a trap. It’s about martyrdom and the idea that you only get to enjoy yourself once everyone else has been taken care of. But it’s also a tad controlling.

Channeling BBQ Dad into a strategy for getting what you need is one way to set solid boundaries about what is your responsibility, and what isn’t. It’s not about shirking your responsibilities to your partner or colleagues, it’s a matter of cheerfully holding firm against adding additional work to your plate if it is already full. It’s a guide to doing less for people who do too much, not a masterclass in loafing. Follow his lead and your work is more likely to be seen and appreciated.

When saying no, keep it light. Keep it friendly. Thank the person asking for asking you. Be enthusiastic and specific about your other obligations.