AMORALMAN
About
Truth and lies are two sides of the same coin. But who’s flipping it? A thought-provoking and brilliantly entertaining work of nonfiction from one of the world’s leading deceivers, the creator and star of the astonishing theater show and forthcoming film In & Of Itself.
Derek DelGaudio believed he was a decent, honest man. But when irrefutable evidence to the contrary is found in an old journal, his memories are reawakened and Derek is forced to confront—and try to understand—his role in a significant act of deception from his past.
Using his youthful notebook entries as a road map, Derek embarks on a soulful, often funny, sometimes dark journey, retracing the path that led him to a world populated by charlatans, card cheats, and con artists. As stories are peeled away and artifices are revealed, Derek examines the mystery behind his father’s vanishing act, the secret he inherited from his mother, the obsession he developed with sleight-of-hand that shaped his future, and the affinity he felt for the professional swindlers who taught him how to deceive others. And once he finds himself working as a crooked dealer in a big-money Hollywood card game, Derek begins to question his own sense of morality, and discovers that even a master of deception can find himself trapped inside an illusion.
A M O R A L M A N is a wildly engaging exploration of the fictions we live as truths. It is ultimately a book about the lies we tell ourselves and the realities we manufacture in others.
Unchaptered
p. 4
The escapee staggers back into the dark cave and describes what he’s seen, rambling about chains, and puppets, and a light in the sky. He wants to release the other prisoners, but they refuse. To them, he’s a lunatic who has blinded himself. Instead of letting him release them from their bindings, the prisoners threaten to kill him, fearing they, too, would go mad.
p. 8
When the mind perceives a threat, adrenaline is released, increasing the heart rate and shuttling blood to the vital areas of the body. One of the first places that loses blood is the hand; as the blood leaves it takes its warmth with it. Cold hands were my body’s way of telling me to flee.
p. 14
“There’s a lot of darkness in this world, kiddo… Be the light.”
p. 23
I wasn’t crying because she was gay. I was mourning the loss of the father I’d never have. I fell asleep knowing I’d never fly.
p. 24
Any pain I felt, or struggle I had, was measured against her own.
p. 35
Keeping that secret was a relentless and exhausting endeavor. I found it difficult to wake up most mornings.
p. 59
The classes were smaller, filled with students who chose to the be there. And that choice made all the difference. They were nice people who were trying to better themselves. There were no cliques or social constructs. It was a place to do the work you needed to do so you could get on with the rest of your life.
p. 84
Magicians are not obligated to adhere to the rituals and behaviors of the natural world. Because they exist in the realm of fantasy, their work is fiction. They are performers, and they do not hide the fact that they are performing. Other than ridicule, there are no negative consequences for seeming unnatural.
p. 134
“Magic is the only honest profession. A magician promises to deceive you and then he does.”
p. 135
To know illusions is to know reality. How can we know what’s true if we can’t recognize what’s false?
p. 136
The magician keeps the audience focused on the illusion. Deception is the point. What truth does deception for deception’s sake reveal? That we can be deceived? That’s not enough.
p. 142
That was the only time others had assigned value to him and his immense talent. Even though his role was secretive and nefarious, he felt as though he was part of something special, which meant he was special.
p. 162
The moment we knowingly conceal information from others we set a boundary between ourselves and those who do not possess the knowledge. This boundary provides us with a space of privacy and privilege. It can be used to shield us from pain and protect us from harm. Or it can act as a barrier, built to exclude and oppress those deemed unworthy of access.
p. 191
[Mike] Tyson replied, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.”
p. 204
The word “secret” comes from the Latin secretus, which means “to separate” or “set apart,” and that’s what I became: a boy set apart from the world.
p. 205
You can learn a lot about yourself when you pretend to be someone else.
“You got the hands, kid. You should start focusing on the story.”
We’ve all had someone attempt to hide something from us… And just as we’ve seen others hide something from us, we have felt the surge of fear and adrenaline when we scramble to hide what others aren’t meant to see. These are the toxic effects of secrecy.
Highlights
“You got the hands, kid. You should start focusing on the story.”
“What do you mean? Like patter?”
“Nah, it’s deeper than that. It can’t feel rehearsed, like a script. It’s gotta feel real. You gotta get it in your bones.”
“How do I do that?”
“There’s no easy answer, man. Like Miles said, ‘It takes a long time to sound like yourself.’”